"If you could change anything in your past what would it be?" A question at the time that seemed so simple to ask, but would soon unravel all my thoughts in my sub-conscience mind. It took me years to perfect the art of repression. I learned to creatively refrain from any emotion, feeling or re-occurring thought that might revive itself in the present world. I mastered it. I mastered it almost to the point where I almost believed that all my hurts, heartaches, and sins never once took refuge in my heart. Hard to believe the person I use to be took full control of this body that now to me is unrecognizable. I did a handy job placing every little problem, every little embarrassing moment, all that I was ashamed about and the decisions I wasn't proud about, into Pandora's Box. I threw it away in a sea of my deepest repressions, suppressing all the feelings that co-existed with my bewildering actions. I’m sure others wondered to themselves “who was she?” and “why did she need to suffocate herself away in a box to never return or be resurrected in this world?” However, I digress. It was now time for me to answer these unwanted questions. It was time to search inside myself to find an answer, searching in the galaxy of my heart thinking to myself how it would have benefited me to have never taken those actions . Finally, I was ready to answer however, what happened next perplexed me.
I was startled by what I found looking back at me. I then grew silent. Pandora made its way back after all these years. The currents of the sea pushed it nearly as close to my feet. It had returned. I couldn't believe what I was looking at. I remained in my silence. It was time to answer the question of "what would I change?" I realized that to answer the question, I had to acknowledge Pandora and all I had hidden away in her. During this process, I would, consequently, be vulnerable. Gazing at this box I then reached down to uncover what I would change.
To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often- Winston Churchill
In order for me to change for improvement, I must recognize the series of events that led me to where I am today, whether good or bad. Often times we repress our feelings and never deal with it. We tuck it away so well with an amalgamation of other things. This then turns into an immense amount of baggage that is ready to burst. There are moments you lash out due to the toxic fumes that begin to seep out of it, never realizing where the real problem stemmed from. I did a good job hiding Pandora and all her findings. However, no matter how hard I tucked her away she usually found her way back to shore. The enemy loves knowing that you have baggage he can tamper with. He can use this burden as a constant reminder of your guilt, shame, and hurt. Every time Pandora reappeared, I did not need to open her up to be reminded of what I locked away. For that reason, the enemy uses flashbacks to bombard your thoughts with enough reruns to make you think that this person still resides in you. My boyfriend told me the other day "You don't speak a lot on certain things even when the opportunity presents itself." Sometimes we are afraid of reliving things, so we shut down and never speak up while the enemy gets excited about your silence. Your silence allows the enemy to speak on your behalf, orchestrating a fictional idea of how you look to yourself, others, and God. I John 1:9 states, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Confessing isn't a state of putting your “business” out there, but a state of acknowledgment and closure. You are putting to bed something that no longer defines you. "Instead of experiencing the ongoing, residual blessings of being regenerated by God’s Spirit-all things-new-, we're caught in the spin cycle of ceaseless regret."(Shier 9) It is time for us to stop cramming every inch of our past into a Pandora's Box in hopes of never having to see it. Instead, let us take all the shame, guilt, hurt, defeat and just hand it all over to God. Every day we are changing, often in hopes of perfecting ourselves,God is here to help us in that journey by taking some of the weight off. Psalm 55:22 (NLT) states, “Give your burdens to the LORD, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.”
What I realized that night that needed to change was my attachment to Pandora. I reached down in an attempt to uncover what needed to be changed, but instead I handed her to God. I finally let go all that held me down and when I finally spoke out to the Lord, He said He will handle the rest. “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” 2 Corinthians 5:17
SHIRER, P. E.
Your Bibliography: Shirer, Priscilla Evans. Fervent. Print.