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Dating vs Talking

Alley: So, how are things between you and Bill?

Amy: Oh, we're good. We are just talking right now.

Alley: I don't understand. Are you guys together or friends?

Amy: We're cool.

Alley: I don't get it. So are you guys dating?

Amy: We've gone on dates.

Alley: Then, that would mean you guys are dating.

Amy: No, we are talking to see if we want to pursue a relationship.

Alley: So you have to talk and date, so you can then date and talk?

Amy then glares at Alley.

Alley and I have a lot in common; we both have wondered the same thing. What is the difference between Dating vs Talking. Today’s generation has blurred the lines on dating which has started a new phenomenon called "talking." This way of dating now basically eliminates a person from being exclusive and he or she are able to 'talk' to as many people as they would like. I remember a time when I got caught in that tornado. This concept was so new to me. At the time I began getting to know this guy and wondered where this was taking us. He wanted me to just chill and go with the flow. In the back of my mind I was uneasy about that idea. I thought to myself "Flow? what does that even mean? Am I just supposed to have a large current take me somewhere with no destination in mind? To just flow on? where is this flow taking me sir?” However, I responded with an “okay.” I needed to understand the status of our relationship because I didn't believe in wasting my time. When ‘talking’ to someone, due to you not being in an exclusive relationship, you're at liberty to also have someone else to ‘talk’ to on the side just in case if the first person wasn't to your liking. It Sounds ridiculous but this was all running through my mind during that particular season. It made me feel that he wanted the idea of having a woman without actually being tied down to one. So, why do we sign up for these types of relationship?

People believe that this is a precursor to dating. Talking lets them know whether or not the person is worth pursuing. Whether or not you want to believe it, talking is a type of conditional pursuit. Now, I know what you are thinking. Talking is just an urban way of saying we are getting to know one another. There is no need to put any labels on it. I believe that too. However, it is important for us to know the end result. Talking is a horrible limbo to be in. Therefore, are you allowed to talk about the other potentials with whom you are “talking” to? You never really know what's on or off limits in conversation. No one in the relationship has real obligations to the other. They basically could do whatever they want to do. Who would want to put their heart in this type of turmoil? During the period of ‘talking’, your mind is always wondering when will it be official and it's always a chip on your shoulder waiting to get a final answer. One thing you must also realize in ‘talking’ is superiority. Even though you both may have agreed prior to ’talking’ that this is what you both wanted, usually one is ready to move on to dating before the other. Thus,it then leaves the other party with the upper hand. Due to the fact that I was tired of going with the flow and wanted a relationship, that gave the guy the upper hand to choose when this train was going to stop.

Talking’ seemed like it was put in place so that no one gets hurt, but relationships are about vulnerability. ‘Talking’ ultimately can't be seen as a friendship because you like the person too much to just be their friend. You move into ‘talking’ in hopes that this preliminary test will show you if they are a good candidate as a significant other. I remember I had another situation where I began to grow feelings for one of my close friends and I had to be real with myself and I told him if we aren't moving any further, than I wouldn't be able to be his friend any longer. I had to guard my heart and make this difficult decision in order to make room for an actual potential mate. You first need a vision in order to give a title. Then you can understand your position. If you got hired from a company with no vision then you received a title-less position and was told to go with the flow you would be subjected to anything. Also there isn't any boundaries put in place to know if you are doing your job.

When you guys do decide to stop ‘talking’, it hurts just the same as a breakup. Even though technically there shouldn't be any tears since it wasn't a relationship, but your emotions doesn't know that. If you’re interested in someone and not sure if you should start anything with them, become their friend first. Dating is a nice thing between two willing participants who are ready to embark in understanding one another, TOGETHER. Dating should always have an end result of marriage or at least the intentions of it. If you are not ready for that, then don't put your heart through recreational dating. Dating is always about “what can I do for the other person”? Recreational dating teaches us how to quit. You move from one person to the next and when you get tired of them you quit on the relationship. Women especially deserve to truly be pursued not in a lackluster way by "Netflix and chilling" but by real intentions followed by a real date. If she isn't worth a real date, then she isn't worth your time. So spare her the whirlwind of emotions that may follow afterwards. There should be a level of maturity and wisdom before dating. The concept of 'talking' didn't make sense to Alley, as it shouldn't. We have made sense of it overtime. If you feel you want to ‘talk’ before dating, then be truthful about your intentions in the beginning. If you want to ‘talk’ to everyone and never really date them, then there may be a void you have that only God can fill up. Love thy neighbor even as you love yourself. Care enough about your neighbor not to hurt them by wanting to ‘talk’ with no intentions of being with them.


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