For the longest, my arch-nemesis has sought out to defeat me. Ever since I was young, he would bully me and make me think I couldn’t do anything right. I gave power to him by letting him mislead me into false imminent danger. He would whisper sweet nothings in my ears using masterful tactics to trick me. We fought constantly. I am unable to recall and pinpoint exactly when and how our rivalry began. However, it has now grown into something bigger than I ever could have thought. Fear has always been my nemesis, putting my emotions into terror and anguish.
When I was younger, I remember being afraid of the dark. It haunted me at night knowing that darkness was approaching. Every night I requested that the lights stayed on as I fought my sleep back and forth. It wasn’t until my sister showed me how to distinguish reality. She would have me sit in the room and would then turn the lights on and off. she would then ask me what was now different in the room? Even though my fear rose in the darkness, through the repetitive motion of turning off the lights, I began to notice that everything in the room had stayed the same.
Fear skewed my reality. This began a decade of strife between fear and I. As I got older, I didn't realize how prominent most of my fears were until faced with them directly. A while ago, I asked God to remove my enemy from before me which was fear. What God did next surprised even me. He placed fear RIGHT BEFORE ME! Now, why would God blatantly place the very thing I asked to be removed from me and place it in front of me at the forefront of my life? The last few weeks I have been in constant fights with fear. This constant battle put me in momentary lapse of fear far greater than just the dark. Every single fear dug deep in my heart. It began moving and dancing around my mind creeping through the symphony of my anguish.
My mind enhanced everything and created difficult obstacles that was created in my thoughts. Fear was winning, and he also fought hard alongside with anxiety. I physically began to feel what I mentally believed was real. Sleep was difficult and everyday errands and activities were lead by me feeling bonded to him. I had God to blame because he gave me the opposite of what I asked for.
I realized now why God used this strategy. You see, “our brain can respond to give us the ability to fight or flee when faced in danger. Cortisol and adrenalin kicks in to give us strength. The same response kicks in when the danger is even imagined.” Everyday we look ourselves in the mirror and our brains could easily interpret our reflection to be real. However, our cognition and science tells us that what is before us is just an object reflecting what is real back at us. If someone had not told us this, today we would believe that we shared a twin that looks, wears, and does the same thing we do every day in some long lost mirror land like The Chronicles of Narnia. Therefore, the response God looked for from me was to fight.
2 Timothy 1:7 states, “for I have not given you the spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind.” That verse as much as I said it didn’t resonate or truly affect me until I realized God doesn’t operate in a realm of fear. My thoughts were doing something I had power to control and win over. Even though I complained and was disappointed in how I was feeling I was also a sole proprietor to the fear in the subconscious part of my mind. I had reserved seating and was comfortable thinking this way, this contributed to my fear and anxiety seeming like a giant in my eyes. I had fed this portion of myself for years subconsciously and it was time for me to get a smooth rock of power, love, and a sound- mind to knock him out.
God handled my request as my sister did with my fear to darkness. He had me experience all my fears head on to reveal to me what was truly real. It took multiple switching on and off of the light switch to realize I was scared of nothing. Just as today with multiple encounters in my mind I realized the same thing. God wanted to change my disposition.
“Fear has a way of crippling us, paralyzing us from doing what is needed. Fear gives off constant worrying and up all night anxiety. It eats away at you making you numb to productivity.” “For God has not given us the spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind.” Therefore, if God didn't give fear to us where could it possibly be coming from? “Fear is man’s greatest enemy fear is behind failure, sickness, and poor human relations. Millions of people are afraid of the past, the future, old age, insanity and death. Fear is a thought in your mind, and you are afraid of your own thoughts.” Most of our fears have no reality. Since the enemy can not create, he distorts. So the bigger question is what is the enemy trying to keep you from seeing clearly? When Adam and Eve sinned, fear grew over them. It was enough to not be straightforward with God about their actions. Fear will have you run away from something that God freely gave you. That same fear will then cause you to be lazy and offer no productivity. Fear will also cause you to not trust the process and take matters into your own hands. “Fear is the antithesis of faith” and it causes us to not believe in the vision God has promised us. I wrote down all my fears. I had to face the truth of all that lived in me. By doing so I could be a step ahead of my old adversary. After I did so, I wrote the positives and promises in my life to be counter-intuitive to my fears. So I asked myself these questions.
What is the enemy trying to keep me from discovering?
What are my fears trying to tell me about myself?
What are the root of my fears?
Is their reality to the way I am feeling?
Murphy, Joseph. The Power of Your Subconscious Mind. Place of Publication Not Identified: CreateSpace, 2014. Print.
Shirer, Priscilla Evans. Fervent: A Woman's Battle Plan to Serious, Specific, and Strategic Prayer. Nashville, TN: B & H Group, 2015. Print.