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You Are H.E.R

Updated: Oct 15, 2019

You have no idea who this God fellow is. You never grew up talking to Him, and were never bothered with the idea of a “higher power.” To you, Jesus is just a fictional character. He is some guy who may or may have not been here.

You may even believe He’s been made up just to create the idea of morality. You may have been hurt and shamed. But I want you to know, You are a beautiful woman, clothed in grace, and destined to be great. You probably don’t see any of this. So, before I tell you about God, let me tell you about Her.

I am a woman with a crazy past. I have allowed men to touch me, to hurt me, and to sell me. My body is being used to glorify men and lust. I am now numb to all the sexual acts done to me. I am but property to the one who sells me.

I save my wages, I have no real future of where it might take me or where I might go, but something tells me to keep saving it.

I use my money for incense, oils, and perfumes. They make me feel better about myself. When I smell them, it helps me forget my slavery, my bondage, my entrapment. I feel free an get lost within the scented fragrance that is freedom. I hide it all away in my alabaster box.

I am a woman –feeling sick of myself, feeling pain all over my body. I am a woman by design, but I don’t feel like a woman on the inside because my body forsakes me.

I continue to bleed day and night. I lose hope that I will ever overcome this. No doctor or physician can heal me. I am discouraged. I find no way to live life. I’m viewed as unclean and don’t know how to stop the pain I feel inside.

For twelve years, more than a decade, I’ve been a prisoner –trapped within my own body. This isn’t normal for a woman. Nightly, I cry myself to sleep because of the mere idea of never being free from the horror of my blood issues.

I am a woman who is different from the rest. I come from a different lineage than most. My ethnicity makes me stand apart. I may be considered unique, but I feel like an impostor playing a role I am not fit for.

I have married into royalty, and my life seems grand to those on the outside looking in. However, things did not come easy, but I’m sure to live a better life now. The problem is that I’m not sure I deserve it.

Because I now live in a palace, I have to hide –not only my true self but my faith, as well. I often wonder if I am turning my back on my ancestry by completely submitting to my husband who is king.

I have people back home who are depending on me in order for me to use my position to make a change. They don’t know that I’m just a woman, who is too afraid to take on all this responsibility I’ve been given.

I feel so torn between my beliefs and what I’m allowed to do as Queen. What they are asking me to do could get me killed. Where do I find freedom from the affliction of my thoughts? What power do I truly hold?