“OMG!” The one thing that is so annoying about my makeup is when it leaves behind smudges. I don’t wear a lot of makeup. On a regular day, I put on foundation and I’m off to work. I only really wear it to not look sleepy and to hide my dark marks on my face.
That’s all I need to get through the day. However, what gets so annoying is that it smudges everywhere. I can’t believe the places it turns up. Due to the foundation stain marks left behind, you will know where I was . Places like paper documents, towels, the door, I mean everywhere. I constantly touch my face and the result is makeup everywhere. If I ever went missing, I’m sure you would be able to find me by following the makeup trail left behind. I can’t stand it. It makes me feel like my insecurities that I have tried to hide has managed to call even more attention to themselves. Honestly, I hate finding new places I left parts of me behind.
"Honestly, I hate finding new places
I left parts of me behind."
I remember a time I came to work all dolled up and my boss asked me, “do you have makeup on?” I answered yes. She then said, “It looks great on you, it looks smooth like lavender”. I laughed but I was a little uncomfortable too. I wear my makeup to cover things up so no one can see, but the very thing covered was seen immediately. Even though she complimented me, I wanted it to seem as if I was not covering anything up. In one instance, I printed a set of documents and I remember as she was reviewing them, I saw a smudge at the bottom corner of one of the documents. I was hoping so badly she didn’t notice. Sometimes we try so hard to keep up appearances we hope no one notices that we are just playing a part.
"Sometimes we try so hard to keep up appearances we hope no one notices that we are just playing a part.
I realized how I walked around everyday trying to do the same thing my foundation does, hide all my imperfections and try to keep it up for long periods of time. Not realizing I left smudges everywhere too. When I talk down to myself, When I snap on people for things they have no control over, when I’m not honest to people, or not want to forgive people. I found smudges in different areas of my life. I tried to clean it up and wash my hands, but I was still playing make up. I remember one time I received a ride and my hand smudge their seat. That whole ride I watched that smudge haunt me. Hahaha….Like, “OMG” I glared at it thinking of how to clean it up. I couldn’t find any napkins to do so. I was too embarrassed to tell the person I smudged their seat in fear of being embarrassed of not being able to keep it together and I do the same thing with my feelings. I don’t want to address certain things cause I feel I will be judged.
"I walked around everyday trying to do the same thing my foundation does, hide all my imperfections and try to keep it up for long periods of time."
You ever tried to act like you were “ keeping it together?” Have you ever felt embarrassed that what you tried to hide about yourself got out? Has your integrity ever leaked out and people began to see you for who you really were? You see, the more your makeup smudges, the less together you look therefore leaving a gateway for people to see your insecurities. I hated that I was being uncovered bit by bit. We try so hard to cover up, that we never learned to unveil. The unveiling is the moment in a ceremony or event where people are amazed. The audience applaud in awe of your presentation. But, if we never uncover what use to be, or what is, no one can ever be amazed by your triumph. Instead we make up victories and continue to find parts of us, we left behind.
"We try so hard to cover up, that we never learned to unveil."