The 27-Year-Old Virgin Who Waited: My Christian Testimony of Purity, Pornography, and God’s Grace

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My name is Esther Darius the creator of My Art of Vision and this is my Testimony.

I have many things God has done for me. However, I want to speak on something from my teen and young adult years.

I don’t know if you grew up talking about sex, but like most Haitian Americans, I didn’t.

In my household full of girls, sex was definitely taboo. Though it wasn’t talked about, it was still meant to be understood — you shouldn’t do it until marriage.

Growing up religious and sheltered, the only sex education I got from my mother was her gesturing to her private area and saying, “Don’t ever let a boy or anyone touch this.”

I knew it had to be something significant if I was usually asked to cover my eyes during inappropriate scenes on TV. But between making inferences and my mother — that was my initial sex education in a nutshell.

Choosing Purity in a Conservative Christian Environment

As I grew up, I decided I would understand sexuality for myself. I figured knowledge was better than ignorance. At a young age, I began reading up on puberty, changes in the body, and intimacy. I never brought my curiosity to my siblings, so I relied on my middle school research instead. Lol.

Because of the church I attended at the time, and my conservative background, sex before marriage seemed like something everyone abided by. It appeared obvious — everyone around me was dressed in suits, full dresses, pantyhose, nothing left to the imagination. That was the example left for me to follow.

For that reason, purity was something I held dear to my heart because I believed everyone around me did too. I soon realized how wrong I was.

When Pornography Entered My Life as a Christian

My journey towards purity began to shift when perversion started to creep in. I remember the day the door opened to something like pornography. I realize now how the enemy used it to lure me.

There were many things priming me — misguided stories from friends, conversations I eavesdropped on, shows with scenes I no longer closed my eyes to, and continual curiosity.

Freshman year, a friend showed my roommate and me something that would later take years to erase. She asked if we had ever visited a particular site. I was ignorant to what she was asking, I knew what she was about to show us was wrong, but there was curiosity lingering and eager to see what would come of it.

Perversion came knocking, and I opened the door.

The enemy whispered: “Everyone does it.”

Then later: “How could you? You’re a Christian. Christians don’t do this.”

I felt guilt. My convictions fought me. It then became difficult to stop. I felt hurt by hurting God— until slowly, I felt less conviction and began justifying it because I was still a virgin.

But lust is never satisfied.

Senior Year of College: Questioning If Waiting Was Worth It

Fast forward to senior year of college. I remember staring at my purple-painted wall as Frank Ocean played in the background.

I wondered, What is the point?

Maybe I’m missing something.

I felt like the black sheep — proud on one hand, resentful on the other.

When I told people I was still a virgin, most thought I was lying. Some laughed. Some mocked and said "me too" It became easier not to say anything. If you knew you knew.

Almost Crossing the Line: Losing the Adhesion of Purity

So I made a plan to “put myself out there” without fully falling into sexual sin.

But soon realized that was dumb.

Though I still had my virginity, I was losing the adhesion of purity. I found myself in compromising situations. Yet by God’s grace, someone or something always intervened.

As I am writing this, I realized it was God helping me keep a promise even though in those moments I found shame in being a "virgin", I also found fear in giving up, especially since I held out for so long.

Dating My Now Husband: A Relationship Led by God

I was still watching what I shouldn't and now dating my now husband. We knew each other throughout college. We were friends but didn’t date until the summer before grad school, I knew that had to be God especially since we would be three hours apart.

On an official date, he told me he loved me — words no man had ever spoken to me.

He later told me I was someone you date with the intention of marriage.

To him, I wasn’t a unicorn. I wasn’t strange.

I was chosen and loved.

From the beginning, we invited God into our relationship.

Taking a Break to Grow Spiritually

Dating made purity harder. I wanted to get close to the line without crossing it. I felt hypocritical. It only led to frustration. Simultaneously, I was growing in my relationship with God

After a year, I felt God leading me to take a break from my boyfriend. Oh the horror, I finally was in a relationship and now I had to give it up.

We were apart for about seven months.

It was painful.

But during that time, my desire for pornography decreased. Disgust replaced craving. My heart shifted toward pleasing God.

When we reunited, I was different. Free. Lighter. The shame and perversion that weighed heavy on was gone and I truly believed I was worth the wait.

Waiting Until Marriage: Four Years of Faith and Patience

By the time we got married, it had been four years.

He was the first and only person I gave myself to.

Only God could have given us the strength to wait that long. I now understand why sex could not lead our relationship. It allowed clarity, maturity, and patience to grow first.

There Is Glory in Being a Virgin, Celibate, or Abstinent

When I was younger, I heard no testimonies about waiting until marriage. And when it became my story, the enemy made me feel like I hadn’t overcome anything.

That it was sad. That it was ridiculous. I felt people would look down on this or feel I was boasting or gloating because I led this type of life.

So I stayed quiet.

But I am here to say: There is glory in being a virgin. There is glory in celibacy. There is glory in abstinence.

God gets the glory.

Even when people said:

“What if it’s bad when you get married?” “You should try before you buy.”

“How will you know if you’re compatible?”

“If you know you're going to get married just do it”

I knew the only person worth opening that door to would be someone who saw my value beyond sex — and would wait not just for me, but with me.

You Are Worth the Wait

I used to think it was my convictions holding me.

But it was God.

He pursued me when I didn’t realize it. I fought for purity while perversion fought back.

God delivered me. He protected me. He preserved me.

And I want you to know:

You are worth the wait. You are more than your body. And the person God has for you will agree with you too.

Share this testimony with a friend 🧡 🔗