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Running on Empty

Updated: Aug 15, 2019

I remember when she and I became friends. From the beginning, Suzie has always proven her loyalty. Whenever I needed her she was there. She helped me out of a lot of sticky situations. That was part of who she was. No matter who you were, she cared to help you too. We fought sometimes but I loved her like a sister. People would call her anointed because she had endurance like no other. She is indeed phenomenal.

But lately she hasn't been herself. She seems like she is sometimes running on empty and not going anywhere. Her endurance has lessened and she has become somewhat lethargic. Suzie just doesn't seem herself. It is almost like she is in park and not moving anywhere.

Her zeal has left her. She wasn't the fastest, the most beautiful, or even the most desirable. Although, her character shaped her beauty, however, she now seems like she is giving up and she no longer drives the amount of miles she use to.

Everyone who knows me and come into contact with me also knows Suzie. Suzie is all I have said she is. But I failed to mention that she is my car. My parents bought her for me when I was beginning my senior year of High school. I was so excited to finally be receiving my first car ever. A black 2000 Suzuki Vitara. I didn't care if she wasn't luxurious, but she was perfect for me.

I have had her for almost 10 years. I’ve had her through High school, college, and even all the way to Grad school. She was my old faithful which is why some called her anointed.

While my friends were going on car number two or three I was still holding onto my first car. Friends have gotten luxury cars that broke down on them and I still had Suzie. Her character in who she was shaped her beauty. However, just recently she has been acting up a little worse than usual.

I started a new job and for almost four weeks I have driven my mom's car rather than Suzie. She wasn't the same anymore.

The other day I remember feeling unfulfilled, unaccomplished, and just stuck in where I was. I was not feeling purposeful and not driven by anything to keep me going. Although I don't have the full story of what I'm suppose to be doing, I mourn internally at the thought of not doing what God has called me to do. I know where I am is not where He called me and that he has more for me. However, I have yet to find it.

Yesterday when I drove up to my house from work, I looked at Suzie and with tears in my eyes, I saw myself. I saw a person with so much drive, ambition, and zeal parked in one spot. I saw her imperfections as my own. I saw this within myself along with the hood slightly bented and the paint slightly chipped. I saw myself finally looking at how I felt inside. Suzie was the parallel to my life.

Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever felt as if you couldn't go for miles anymore. Have you ever felt as if you’ve lost your endurance. It is as if the anointing you once had no longer exists.

Anointing means "chosen one" and usually signifies God's calling over your life. I wondered if I was called or just captivated. Was I attracted to an idea or an actual call?

You may like, So You Think You're Being Called For more info on this topic

I began to grow weary. I learned recently that you can't chase purpose and Identity at the same time. For example, I can't drive Suzie while she is leaking oil and parts of the engine is broken. In order for her to serve her purpose as a motor vehicle she must also be safe for me to drive. If not, I am now in danger due to the unresolved problems.

As I wiped my tears, I realized that I can't patch all my leaks with temporary fixings because I will run the risk of hurting others around me that I should be helping. I usually tell myself ‘my greater is coming’ and sometimes looking at Suzie it seems like that may be far away.

Therefore, whenever you feel your seeds are barely sprouting, and as if nothing is going your way; when you feel you’ve been in the same season way too long; and like your diligence has led to nothing; When you feel frustrated and empty like you are parked outside, like Suzie; Remember this:

1. If you stay in park you are not doing what you were purposed to do.

2. Neglected purpose may become an eyesore to others.

3. What you asked for may take longer than what others asked for and you can’t rush what you want to last forever.

4. Have maintenance taken care of. True fulfillment comes in who you are, not what you do. Nothing will satisfy you unless you fix you first.

5. Just because you don’t yet see the fruit, that doesn’t mean the seed isn’t at work.

6. If God gives it to me now, It may kill me.

As I look at Suzie I see a way to get from point A to point B. Others may see a bad investment or junk car that needs to be traded in. The same way you may look in your heart and feel like a worn down vehicle with a lot of wear and tear, God sees an opportunity of untapped potential.


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